If you've ever had to work with and/or for people--be it in a corporate setting or a non-profit, whether you got paid or volunteered, and regardless of the color of the collar--you know that foolishness abounds. This is for everyone who need to send that memo to tell that co-worker, boss, HR person, or customer exactly how things need to go to make everyone's lives easier...including theirs, if they thought about it. Or you just want to share a story about their foolishness. And you don't have to be currently working to submit them.

To protect yourself, don't used the company's name or the person's name. Address the person by title (if it's generic enough) or simply "Dear Boss" or Dear Co-worker" will do.

Send your communications of frustration/snark/whatever to
therealmemos@gmail.com.

Of course, your submission will be rejected if you're going to be racist, sexist, cissexist, ableist, classist, homophobic, transphobic, transmisogynist, or in any other way expresses bigotry.


Now...what is it you really want to say to the folks you work with?

12th June 2010

Quote

Dear Boss,

Thank you so much for explaining to me the difference between things
that are alive, and things that are dead. I was a bit hazy on the
concept for a long time there!

Kisses,
Disastrous Woman.

10th April 2010

Quote

Dear Boss,

I seems we have very different ideas of what a “fun task” entails. For example, when you say that you have a “fun task” for me, the first thing that comes to mind is NOT in fact taking a bus in the rain across town to buy eight pounds of corn syrup.

And you don’t need it until next Thursday. AND you tried to get me to pay for it? None of those things are fun! I have this feeling you asked me to go because ladies have a much more intuitive sense of grocery stores.

XOXO,
@disastrouswoman

PS: Super stoked about the ALL DAY FREEZE DRYING SEMINAR you signed us up for!

7th April 2010

Quote

Dear Fella,

I thought we might have been talking about the same person but, as sometimes happens, it turns out that we were not! Thank you for informing me that Johns are “a dime a dozen! Just like Chins in China”.

Really? Just like that?

xoxo,
@disastrouswoman

PS WE ONLY WORK WITH ONE JOHN….WHO WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?

7th April 2010

Quote

Dear IT Manager—

I didn’t know the “Whiny Bitch” look was in this season.

—STFU Already,

@CruelSecretary

7th April 2010

Quote

Dear Boss who noticed that I have a Ladybrain,

Thank you for offering to change a password from “12345” to something “easier to remember”. Could you please make it “12” for me? That is as high as I can count.

xoxo,
@disastrouswoman

6th April 2010

Quote

Dear IT Manager:

Sending me different emails with your different titles doesn’t impress me, *only* you.

~~Booooooo,
Me

— @CruelSecretary

6th April 2010

Quote

Just cuz your baby play video games, don’t make him a tech guru!
— @sosharon

6th April 2010

Quote

Dear Lady At My Job:

You talk entirely too #%#$%^T% much! Shut the hell up sometimes. Damn! *SMH*

— @xsashagirl

6th April 2010

Quote

How this got started…..on Twitter, of course.


Dear Bosses—

Your titles don’t entitle you to write unclear emails.

~~Take a fucking writing class,
Me (@cruelsecretary)

@xsashagirl @CruelSecretary Dear Employee: Didn’t you see “Mind reader” in your job description? LOL!

@CruelSecretary @xsashagirl Gurl, please. I also didn’t see “Fluffer” in job description, though that seems to be a duty bosses demand from employees, too.

@CruelSecretary ROTFLMAO! Yup, fluffing is part of the territory. #sadbuttrue

@CruelSecretary @xsashagirl But here’s my thing: I come to work to, dunno, work. Bosses should, too. If they wanted “emotional support,” they should go sex up partners (or go find sex partners), pat their pets, and/or go see therapists. Other than those, it’s a fundamental lack of boundaries.